The lives we live

Yesterday, my aunt gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My new cousin. He hasn't opened his eyes yet and he is always hungry or sleeping. I stood there for a while, just admiring the sight of a mother and her newborn child. In those moments my mind began to wander. We are all born as innocents into this world and as the years pass we gain knowledge of how the world really works and are slowly corrupted by it. As a three year old child I never would have even thought of saying "goddamn it". Nowadays its something I saw almost every other sentence.(especially at work) But thats not what I meant. Think about it for a moment. As a child, fighting meant arguing with your siblings or parents, maybe in just a playful manner or just playfully wrestling with one another. As an adult a fight can lead to death or serious injury. Our thoughts and daily patterns change as well and we just seem to abandon things we held dear as children. The world seems so wonderful through the eyes of a child. The sun shining brightly through a few drifting clouds, the soft green grass beneath them as they run and play. They know nothing of suffering. They know not of pollution, of death, of war. They are allowed to simply be. I always wondered what it would be like to just BE. I never had that chance as my childhood ended at the tender age of 6 when my father was arrested. But thats a tale for another time, my journals are already depressing enough without explaining my childhood to all of you. My mind continued to wander as I watched my aunt and newborn cousin. I began to wonder if I would ever know the happiness of bringing a new life into this world and instantly realized this was a foolish thing to imagine. I've already discovered there isn't anyone out there for me and that whatever god controls my fate will see fit that I continue to suffer through more hardships until the day I finally die. But while I may not ever bring that happiness to myself, I can still do little things every day to make the lives of those around me better. Whether that is simply buying something nice for my brothers or helping someone in need while i'm out and about running errands. Just little random acts of kindness to make everyones day a little better and to make their lives a little easier to live.